This list is hilariously accurate. At least I think it’s pretty accurate. Me being a retired pro to the drinking world… I have to say #4 is SO TRUE! I’d always order Long Island Ice Teas at bars, because I knew they were the strongest. Which ones do you agree/disagree with??
1. Margarita
“Old ladies that want to party usually start with margaritas.”
2. Vodka Martini
“These are fancy drunks.”
3. IPA
“If I’m asked about the malty flavor or mouthfeel of every IPA we have, it’s a hipster in their 20’s trying to be cool.”
“IPA drinkers are bearded dads who want to ask 15 questions and try 15 samples.”
4. Long Island Iced Tea
“Long Island iced teas rarely get tips and are almost always asked to ‘make it strong.’ It’s nearly an entire cup of liquor. How TF am I supposed to make it stronger?”
“Long island iced tea = let’s get f*ed up, fast.”
“Usually someone who wants to get drunk for cheap and is going to complain that the drink is not strong enough.”
5. Chardonnay
“A mid-30s woman wanting to get a buzz going while trashing on her suburban life.”
“High-maintenance middle-aged divorcée with two kids in private school. Possibly on the prowl for rich single men.”
6. Tequila Shot
“I don’t have work tomorrow.”
7. A Shot Of Fernet
“I’m from San Francisco.”
“I spent a year in Europe.”
8. Fruity Frozen Drinks
“Fruity or frozen drinks are typically new drinkers.”
9. Scotch and Water
“You’re over 50 with heart issues.”
10. Mai Tai
“You’re attracted to exotic people and places, but not enough to get a passport.”
11. Negroni
“Hipster 20-something.”
12. Vodka Red Bull
“Usually on some kind of drug. On the bright side they tip well because they’re too drunk to care about getting change.”
13. Old Fashioned
“Old fashioned drinkers rarely know jack sh*t about cocktails, but it’s a cheap way to pretend you do.”
“Either someone who knows their booze really well, or not at all, and they want to look sophisticated.”
14. Vodka Soda with a Splash of Cranberry
“Vodka soda with a splash of cran will either be an obnoxious white girl or a slender gay man.”
15. Bellini
“You have a tab at The Olive Garden.”
16. A Shot With A Fancy Name
“I can always tell who just turned 21 due to all the complex sweet shots with fancy names being ordered.”
17. Cosmopolitan
“This person is almost certainly a pain in the ass.”
18. Jack and Coke
“You’ll be fighting someone in a few hours.”
19. The Customer Who Asks For An “Extra Strong” Drink
“They’re the ones who say, ‘add extra vodka to my drink.’ Then I give them the bill and they say, ‘Why are you charging me for extra alcohol?’”
20. Cabernet Sauvignon
“You actually say ‘I’ll have the Cabernet Sauvignon’ and over-pronounce Sauvignon. One fancy wine, please!”
21. Frozen Margarita
“First drink: ‘Omg! I can’t even taste the alcohol.’ A few drinks later: ‘Wowowow I can’t feel my hands!’, then stumbles and falls down.”
22. Whiskey Sour
“I’m drinking underage!”
23. Pinot Grigio
“Has no personality whatsoever.”
24. Pimms Cup
“I love England, and English things, and British flags, and rowing. Did I tell you about the time I went to Henley?”
