3-17-26 TP5 Signs Your St. Patrick's Day Bartender Is Sick Of You

Brian Marshall and Tom Garland, friends of the show and stand up comedian here early today on the St.

Patrick's Day.

Getting ready for a Sapa D'Opso parade, you know, taking some time off today from work or?

I probably will not attend.

I'm not a big St.

Patrick's Day guy.

I don't know why.

What

happened?

What changed?

Something always happens on St.

Patrick's Day.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I

remember, you know, getting geared up for the parade.

There were certain times that I was in the parade and then certain times that I would make sure that I wasn't in the parade so that I could enjoy the time.

And I don't know if you're old enough to remember, but Tycoon downtown Cedar Rapids, right, right across from KCRG TV nine.

Definitely.

Yeah.

There's just a certain vibe that they had in the place.

And now it's only, is it only open?

Like.

A couple days a year?

I think it, yeah, that's the deal.

Like it opens on St.

Patrick, which I don't really understand.

Does it take 360 some days to clean it out after St.

Patrick's Day?

That floor, dude, that sticky floor.

Imagine if those

walls could talk.

Oh man, dude, that's, yeah.

Did you go?

Did you go to Tycoon quite a bit?

I have gone quite a few times, yeah, especially on St.

Patrick's Day to the Tycoon.

Yeah.

There's just, it's a certain vibe in there.

I've never, the other thing about St.

Patrick's Day that I don't quite get down with is the green beer thing.

Oh, okay.

Honestly, that's like, should be a form of birth control.

Like you see the girl with green beer teeth, you're like, nah, pass.

It looks like you just went down on Shrek.

I can't do it, dude.

Donkey doesn't get any love?

No, and then, I honestly like,

I feel like too like that's the worst day to hook up with somebody on

St.

Patrick's

Day.

Yeah, totally.

There's some like fun, flirty holidays, Halloween's a fun one.

And that's

where the St.

Patrick's Day is bad.

There's no such thing as Irish Lucky on a day like today when you have to walk a shame back on a Wednesday morning in the snow.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, I think about the times, like sometimes they'll put on like the tutus and they have the little top hat and the glasses and everything like that.

And that looks cute.

earlier in the day.

Yeah.

Exactly.

After things take off a little bit later, you're like

by one PM, right?

Your

face down in the snow bank outside the tycoon, you know, I'm sure that there are others who could go to the Irish district and at least at that point, you're kind of away from downtown.

And, you know, with that whole deal, gosh, there was a place that my buddy just brought up that used to be on university.

in Waterloo and that had an Irish theme to it.

And he asked if it was still around and I wonder if it is.

Cause I don't remember it.

I think it was just named something like Lucky's or something along those lines.

But it

never

really had anything

Irish going on.

Is there still Mickey's in Iowa city?

That was a big one.

Is that something that you got slipped or what?

No, no, no.

Mickey's is a bar and it's like a basement bar over, it's across the street from Spoko.

Yeah,

you got me on that one.

Yeah.

I didn't party out.

No,

no, Mickey's is above, but then there's one, there's one called Dublin Underground.

I don't know.

I do remember Dublin

is

what I'm thinking.

Dublin, yeah, Dublin was one that was in CR that moved and it was in, they moved it over to the muddy waters location.

And I do remember having some, well, do I remember?

Probably don't.

I can't remember the bar names.

It's hard enough to remember the person's name you're talking to on St.

Patrick's Day.

Well, if you can't remember anything, here are some tips if this is your first St.

Patrick's Day.

So, it's your first St.

Patrick's Day.

Here's some things you'll need to know.

Wear green.

Green is like your armor against being pinched.

If you don't wear green, it's like saying, hey you, molester guy at the end of the bar, please come pinch me hard in an intimate place.

Another thing you need to know is that if you're Irish, people are going to come kiss you, which is why most real Irish people hide in their houses on St.

Patrick's Day.

If you're not Irish, you can go up and kiss anyone who's Irish, which actually can just do to the Irish anytime.

But keep in mind that they might be a ginger, might smell like Jameson, and you might throw up in your mouth a little.

All part of the St.

Patrick's Day tradition.

So wear green, kiss people, and have a happy St.

Patrick's Day.

This is not Headline News.

Today is St.

Patrick's Day.

Remember, if someone in your office isn't wearing green, you're allowed to pinch them, as long as your company doesn't have an HR department.

Thousands of pints of Guinness will be consumed today, and that's just at Ben Affleck's house.

Sting announced tour dates.

It'll be a rare chance to hear Sting and not be on hold with your pharmacy.

And a Florida man was arrested for firing a gun outside a bar after finding out their karaoke machine was broken.

He was cheated of performing his go-to song, Don't Worry, Be Happy.

This is not Headline News on The Rock 108 Morning Show.

You think you got it bad.

In this case, Tom may have it bad here today.

It's not really a story about anybody else, but Tom Garland.

Let me ask you this question.

How often when you do a radio spot such as this, have you had to pick up the host?

I have never had to.

I've done a lot of radio and stuff like that.

And I have never picked up a host, especially when I'm the guest.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Here's the deal.

Uh, vehicle is in the shop and has been off and on since, I want to say like January.

You know, I had an issue where got something replaced and started to notice there was issues.

So I brought it back to him.

It was under warranty.

I said, guys, what's the issue?

Well, we can't duplicate the problem.

So I had to film the things going on that were the problem and then bring them the video.

In this case, the vehicle is out and

It said, you know, maybe I could pick you up on a Tuesday.

I'm like, you ready for this?

I needed a ride to work.

It's my first time ever doing Uber.

Yeah, yeah.

You could call yourself Tuber.

Tuber.

That's cool.

Yeah, with my name.

I like that.

I just like that you're you're here promoting my, you know, comedy, Brian, which I appreciate.

And at the same time, I'm jumpstarting you.

You know, I can't call another morning show and see if I can get a jump, you know.

No, you probably can't.

We should have just done the show from my car.

Yeah, we could actually.

Yeah, just sitting out in the parking lot.

Yeah, why not?

I actually kind of think that this was a missed advertising opportunity for, you know, it's a radio station.

You got to sell ads.

This should have been some kind of.

Card dealership commercial.

We don't have a plug in it, but we could have.

You know how they have like, there's almost like a season, they always make up some season for car sales, toyotathon, that sort of thing.

It's time for Brian's busted ride roundup.

Has your car gone completely Brian Marshall on you?

Is it busted worse than the brain buster himself?

You need an upgrade, upgrade, upgrade to Tom Garland's car.

The only vehicle in Iowa powerful enough to make it to radio and drive the host.

Driving Mr. Marshall.

Driving Mr. Marshall.

Zero breakdowns.

Zero down payments from Brian.

Then there's the disclaimer, right?

Disclaimer, every vehicle offer includes free rides for full grown men who should have fixed their car six months ago.

For well-qualified buyers.

It's top five Tuesday on the rock 108 morning show

on Tuesdays Tom Garland stops on by today Driving mr. Marshall in but today

It's also St.

Patrick's Day, and some of you have taken the day off getting ready to go, maybe doing a little bit of pre-gaming.

Did you do any pre-gaming that I wasn't aware of?

I did not pre-game, no.

No.

I picked you up at, what, 4 a.m.?

Do you have 4?

4th?

It was like 420?

Yeah, 420.

Oh wait, no.

425.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

That's why I was five minutes late.

Oh

jeez.

Nah,

just kidding,

man.

Nah, it's cool, dude.

I, you know, I mean, if you're going out today and that's exciting, that's good, but, you know, like anybody would tell you, don't overdo it, right?

And the person that's gonna, honestly, that gets the most upset about it that I feel for today, I hope they make a lot of money, but it's bartenders.

This

is a tough day to be a bartender.

I

bartended in Las Vegas when I was there, and my first day ever bartending in Las Vegas, Fremont Street, was St.

Patrick's Day.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

And it's it's a whole nother level like so.

These I just trying to give you guys some help out there.

These are our signs that your St.

Patrick's Day bartender is sick of you.

That's right.

It's the top five signs.

Your St.

Patrick's Day bartender is sick of you.

Number five.

He gives you your tab and the receipt paper just says leave.

Get out.

Do not pass go.

Do not collect two hundred dollars.

Please go.

Number four, you ask where the bathroom is and he just points to the exit.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

It's right there in the alley, in front of the cops.

Just please go out there.

Just go out there.

Yep.

The door might be locked when you get

back.

It will be locked.

Absolutely.

Oh, then close the tycoon again, just for you.

Oh, come on.

Not again.

These are the top five signs your St.

Patrick's Day bartender is sick of you.

Number three, you come back from the bathroom and he charges you cover again.

Whoa.

That's happened.

That's happened.

No, that's happened to me.

This happened to me.

How did that work?

I don't know.

It was a little foggy.

Might have been Casey's University.

It's going to pay to get back.

Oh, no, I'm already in.

I thought I was here.

I have a wristband.

You need another one coming back.

These are the top five signs here.

St.

Patrick's Day bartender is sick of you.

Number two, he has the DJ make an announcement.

Last call for Tom specifically.

Just for Tom.

Last call.

This message is for Tom.

Now let's get back to it.

No, I like it.

Yeah, I love it.

These are the top five signs your St.

Patrick's Day bartender is sick of you.

Number one, he asks if your ride home is the police or an ambulance.

Can I choose the ambulance?

I hear it's more comfy.

I want to lay down.

Who used all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments, furnished in-unit washer and dryer.

Internet included a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

Tom

Garland, I feel like we robbed P1 nation today.

Well, I robbed P1 nation today Because usually we have you think you got it bad at about 650 and I said you think you got it bad at least you didn't have to bring Brian Marshall into work today So I figure let's do a traditional You think you got it bad made it personal.

That's cool, but I'm with that.

Let's do it.

All right

A black bear wandered into the background of a live report this weekend on KTLA in Los Angeles.

Reporter Erin Meyers was on the scene.

Take a listen to this.

Good morning.

I'm Erin Meyers in Monrovia.

A bear attacked a woman walking her dog in this neighborhood and now they're trying to determine if it is the same bear that lives underneath the house here behind me.

All those details coming up.

And yes, we all see that bear up to the right side.

We'll get back in with Erin

in just a moment.

We all know California.

I see it now.

Okay, let's

go back to Erin Meyers.

You can see the bear actually walking into the trap or

Nope, it was going to, but now it's walking out.

We're going to step back a little bit.

Um, we may get back in the car depending on what it does, but right now you can see it here.

They don't know if this was the bear that attacked the person walking.

Well, what other bear was it going to be Tom Garland?

Wow.

They really needed some radiance that day.

She was like.

The trap failed we're gonna we're just gonna stand here and get some more footage of him

Yeah, I love the fact that they're back in the studio and they're like yeah the bear that might be behind you right now We'll find out after this

That's when we you know God rest his soul man.

I miss Steve Irwin.

Yes, right?

That's Steve Irwin all day, you know, he'd be like, oh Crocky he's back

There's the bear.

Ah, he just wants some shaman.

He wants some toilet paper.

He wants some Coca-Cola.

He wants to prevent forest fires.

Maybe he'll fix your car, Brian.

It's open auto.

That's

the bear

facts, folks.

Bear is still on the commercials.

He is pulling up its pants.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh Yeah,

I don't know I think that bear would be fine cuz he's got you know the little the vest on

yeah, no shirt

underneath bear chest it in this case We're

in a

hat.

Yeah, I don't know about this one here.

You know, I just you know, I'm reporting live and

Well, I might be dead here in a second.

Yeah, we'll be back from the

car.

They're always telling you stuff like that's safe, too.

They're like, official say the situation is under control.

We have an update.

Officials say that the bear does not care what the officials say.

He's eaten three reporters.

Back to you, Jim.

Yeah.

We're KTLA.

Forecast is up next.

Tom Garland, one more time

with your website, please.

Yeah, tomgarlandstandup.com.

You want to get tickets to stand up shows?

You can find them there.

I'm in Las Vegas soon.

I've got a big show at the Capitol Theater coming up in Burlington.

Yeah, comedy specials are on there.

Everything's free for the specials and movies that I have on there that you'd want to watch.

It's tomgarlandstandup.com.

Thank you so much for being here today, Tom.

And thanks for the ride to work today.

No problem.

Thank you.

10 minutes for that brain buzz.

Who used

all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments, furnished in-unit washer and dryer.

Internet included a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and...

dryer in the apartment?