4-7-26 TP5 Reasons The Government Hid Aliens & UFOs

The things in life you didn't

think you needed to know.

Wait, an elephant has how many nipples?

It's time for Brian's Brain Buster on Rock 108.

Early and ready to go, stand-up comedian Tom Garland joins us for Top 5 Tuesday morning to you.

What up?

Good morning, Brian.

Hey, you got Brain Buster today.

It's all sponsored by Periclean Acetyl Rapids.

3198048288710,000 Americans do this every day on their way to work.

And so far, we had received Daydream.

We had received, what else?

Buying gas and buying lottery tickets.

Just hoping that one of them's gonna hit.

Is it cry?

That was a lot of people's guesses.

Oh, really?

There are a lot of people's guess cry.

I didn't look at the Facebook yet.

What about this?

Is it get stoned?

That was another big guess.

Really?

Yes.

I've actually seen people in Iowa City.

I think they got so high, they just started working there.

They just started working in Iowa City?

Yeah, at the point.

I swear, that's how fast food recruits.

Right?

Nobody gets hired at fast food.

You just get so high.

You walk in there and you're like, I don't know, man, no one is making burgers.

So I started making burgers, man.

People just kept

coming.

I think you got something there because I would say there are certain fast food joints and these are major chains.

I won't name which one, but they seem to have their stuff in order a while ago.

But when they changed the look of the building, they made it all modular and now

there's

nobody standing up front except for the one stoner that's just like,

you want to try?

Yeah, dude, they got rid of the play place.

Like what's the what's the incentive?

What's the benefits package now, right?

I can't ride the slide.

Yeah, I want to go and ball pit.

Yeah,

exactly.

You want to go and ball pit, Tom?

All right, let's see what we got for guesses right now.

These are from the Facebook page.

Addison said make up 710,000 Americans do this every day on their way to work.

I'm

assuming that's while driving.

You know, they're trying to stop us from texting and driving but I've seen girls like do that in parking lots

like before they're gonna walk into work

I can see

in the

parking lot But while you're driving and trying to look up at the mirror and you know do the eyelashes and such I mean, that's not me.

That's somebody else.

I you know, I'm in the dark.

Let's see what else we got Consider calling in to works as Troy.

I think that goes with a crying thing and hunter says speed because that they're late

Oh,

yeah, speeding.

Yeah, lots of people speed.

Yeah.

I have to pep talk myself some days before this.

No, before this is like, this is fun.

I just, you know, some days you sit in the car right before you leave and you're just like idiots are out there.

They are out there and I'm going to have to interact with them today.

And so, you know, it's like,

yeah.

See, I get like, when, even when you come in here at, you know, Sixish, I look and you're dealing with more of those idiots than I am.

But even at certain points, you know, when I'm rolling in it, you know, four o'clock in the morning, somebody will walk out or a deer.

There was a, there's a damn deer in the same spot every week.

And I cussed it out this morning.

I yelled at it louder than a sailor.

That's so funny that you're interacting with more because of your, your life schedule that you're interacting with more deer than people.

That is a

correct statement.

Yes.

It's

just every, every word, like all the seven dirty words that George Carlin taught us.

I think I called it that.

That's funny, dude.

You're like it.

I've evolved into Russ, the old man.

I said get off my lawn, you stupid deer.

I don't sound like that.

Who used all the

Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments, furnished in-unit washer and dryer.

Internet included a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

Tom

Garland you think you got it bad you chose the world of stand-up comedy in this case you could have a particular job where you have to protect an inanimate object to protect

like in

security yeah yeah yeah you have to be security

I mean, you've been a bartender, so have you bounced?

I have not bounced.

One of my friends had offered me when I was in Vegas, he had got laid off at my bartending thing because of COVID, but then they were reopening the casinos,

right?

And he was like, hey, the casino is going to reopen before those bars.

Do you want to work security at the D casino?

And I was like, no, I don't feel like getting bit by

people.

Well, here's the deal.

I'm gonna sell you on this job.

Okay.

There's a wax figure of Taylor Swift in Ireland and it needs constant security around the clock in Ireland this wax figure cuz they want to make sure that the fans don't rub her boobs Wow Rub her grab like grab her rub

rub boobs.

Yeah

the way to prevent people from quotes

doing a Molly Malone on her.

Think of the Riviera with the girls that had the, the butts out.

Okay.

Right.

So you, you know, rub and then suddenly that, you know, the shine goes away and now you've got.

Taylor's boobs gone because people are rubbing them.

The difference between the Riviera Crazy

Girls and Taylor Swift is with Taylor, there's nothing to rub.

Aw.

There's nothing to grab, right?

Nobody is going groping at the lumber section at Menards,

Brian.

Nobody is

like... You don't know.

Or boobs?

That's just a bra stuffed with ticket master fees.

Okay, that's not boobs.

Travis Kelsen's hopes and dreams.

Yeah.

Even conspiracy nuts are like...

Okay, maybe the earth is round because that's flat look at that's that's she's flat.

Maybe the earth is not Yeah Also, who's who's trying to grab her don't grab her grab her purse.

Oh Yeah, yeah Gravy Taylor Swift.

I'm swiping her bag, right?

I can buy all the boobs I want after that

Yeah security constantly monitoring her and we have to put Taylor at the very front of the floor so we can monitor visitors interaction with her

Also, who is the security for wax figures?

Mr. Miyagi?

Yeah, yeah Daniel son wax on wax off, right?

I Feel like first of all if there's a guy with her constantly right in front of her.

That's one of the longest relationships.

She's probably everybody Am I being mean?

It's a wax Taylor.

I alright.

Here's the thing if the guy

is standing there.

I feel like, have you ever seen the movie The Bodyguard?

Yeah.

With Whitney Houston,

right?

Sure.

She falls in love with her bodyguard, right?

Yeah.

I feel like since this is a wax figure, that would have to be the other way around in this scenario.

The bodyguard or the wax guard would fall in love with the waxed tailor.

Hmm, right?

You're

just looking at her

all day.

You're like, that is a pretty 2x4.

Hmm.

And I will always wax you.

Tom Garland not only does he do stand up, but he also sings really should probably sing your top five, which is coming up next on rock

108

It's top five Tuesday on the rock 108 morning show

friend of the show Tom Garland is with us here today and Tom I don't know about you.

I did post this up on my Facebook yesterday, but Humans farthest away that they've ever been from planet Earth to the moon should kaboom Yeah, and I watched C-Span two for the longest time.

I think I ever have in my lifetime I mean I just locked in and just like all right It's getting closer.

It's getting closer

It's getting closer.

You're a full believer.

You're not, you're not skeptical at all.

There's some nuts out there on the internet.

Ah, look, I grew up in a time where the, you know, space shuttle was going up.

Yeah.

And I bought it in Hook, Klein, and Sickr as a kid, so I'm all about this.

I mean, I'm excited about it.

I am too.

I was reading some,

he was like, where are the satellites?

Where are the what?

Shut up.

Not at the moon.

Yeah, that's

what I'm

saying.

What?

Yeah, but I am, my one thing that I do get kind of like,

Don't know conspiracy issue about it.

I think there's aliens out there.

So did former president Obama.

Yeah,

it's infinite space.

Yeah,

there's nothing out there I think that's a little You know, we're a little full of ourselves as we we think we're the only ones and I do think the government the US government is involved I think they're hiding this from us Brian

really

hiding it from us Yes, and that is my top five for today.

These are the top five

These are top five reasons that the U.S.

government is hiding aliens.

Number five, the aliens don't pay as much for gas as us, obviously, if they made it all the way here.

Right.

They got the Hy-Vee fuel rewards.

They got a fuel saver, baby.

Yeah, that's

right.

They're not paying Illinois tolls, I can tell you that.

Yeah, they just got right over here.

These are the top five reasons that the U.S.

government has been hiding aliens.

Number four, the aliens were planning to introduce themselves, Brian, but they were abducted by Louis C. K. and he blocked the door.

He

wouldn't

let him

out.

That's a deep one.

He wouldn't let him out.

He's staying in front of the door.

He's like, watch my new Netflix specials.

No, thanks.

We're going to move

on with top five Tuesday.

That's what we're going to do.

Number three.

These are top five reasons that the US government hid aliens.

Number three, every time they get close enough to land, they hear a new Kanye West album and they turn around.

I don't think music sounds that good with the hood over your

head.

What is that?

What are we

doing?

These are the top five reasons that the U.S.

government has been hiding aliens.

Number two, we don't know how to tax them.

Ah, ah.

Are

those dependents?

What are those?

That thing's a blob.

I don't know if that's... Turbo tax has

a new one available for you now.

Are you from Klingon World?

Charge your bat left,

you know?

No doubt, no doubt.

These are the top five reasons that the U.S.

government was hiding aliens is hiding aliens.

Number one, we don't want to have to send them back Snoop Dogg.

Oh,

you want to keep Snoop?

Imagine how high they must be on there.

trip, you know, back and forth.

I mean, it's four days out to the moon and back.

Just imagine hotboxing in there.

I feel like you could burn

one.

And

it's not like you're going to hit

anything.

You're not going

to bump into a mailbox in between Saturn and Venus.

Yeah.

It'll be OK.

This asteroid right here, what is that?

You might hit an asteroid.

Hey.

The Rock 108 Morning Show.